Generation Clay

This was posted on Jan 27th  on the CH.
It was posted by Rockysmom. Thank you for permission to post your essay!
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The last 5 years:

I can't help but wonder if, as he emerges from that stage door tonight, to cheers and screams and flashes popping and playbills being waved in his face for him to autograph.....

I wonder if he thinks about the fact that 5 years ago tonight was the last night he was truly anonymous, that none of "us" had ever heard his name.

That five years ago, for most of us here.....

the number 5230 was just another number

saying "you had me at 'Take' " didn't make any sense yet

Clack didn't exist so of course our vaults didn't either. In fact neither did any of our boards.

we had yet to listen to a cell-cert

we didn't live to "right-click-and-save-target-as"

Waldo was a character in kid's books

a lot of us had never been in a chat room or posted on a message board. Hell, some of us didn't even own a computer.

we had no idea we could take such beautiful pictures or wonderful video and share them with others on the internet.

we didn't know we could write the snarky or the silly or the schmoopie and others would enjoy reading it.

we didn't hate ticketmaster

we didn't know that we'd pick some silly little name to call ourselves and what's even more surprising is that others would call us by that name as well.....for some of us that name at the left there when we post has become just as much our "real name" as the one we see on our driver's license or our (maxxed out) credit cards.

we didn't dream that we would be jumping in our cars, hopping trains and planes and buses and traveling all over the country because this kid whose voice is going to be making our jaws drop tours almost constantly and we can not get enough of seeing him perform live.

We didn't know that we'd be doing all of that traveling with people we were going to be meeting on internet message boards. If someone had told me five years ago that someone I had never met would offer to drive me to Poughkeepsie NY in the dead of winter and share a hotel room with me....and that I would agree to it without a moment's hesitation, I would have asked what they were smoking.

Think of all the people in your life whom you now call your friend.....did you know them 5 years ago today?

Did you think you would ever feel like you were twelve years old again? Did you think you would wait in line for someone young enough to be your son to walk past and touch your hand? Did you think you would jump up and down and squeal when you got his autograph after a Broadway performance?

Did you think the sound of someone's voice would be able to move you to tears? The curve of their lashes or the movement of their fingers make you gasp for breath?

The words "He Blogged" hadn't yet made your heart skip a beat and your fingers shake until you could log in at the OFC

Our houses were clean, our laundry was folded, our bills paid on time, our bank balances were larger than our credit card bills.....and our lives were about to be turned upside down.

Did any of us realize, five years ago tonight, just how much our lives were about to change?

...by Rockysmom, January, 2008.

And here is an inspired reply by SoulClay:

Thanks for posting this...I felt like I saw nearly 5 years of my life flash before my eyes when reading this and so many of us can associate with what is written below...Last night I sure did...and sat there reminiscing till 0100 am ...letting my heart write a reply...but before I could press the send button...my computer bugged and I lost it all...”Lawd Jesus give me patience” so here I am ...I know  I can never rewrite it so well or so heartfelt as in that special time last night when I read this but here goes....
(As usual, it's short…LOL)
 
5 years ago I did not use computers, did not know about message boards, Photobucket etc. and even warned my daughters about talking to strangers on them...OMG!  I certainly did not know how to copy and paste, right click and save, but I was soon to learn real quick...I knew I could write but never about a total stranger that would soon become like my adopted son. Clay opened his mouth, he bit his lip in anticipation, his eyes twinkled, he snarked a little at the judges, but remained true and standing tall and the journey began…one of wit, humour, great talent and great caring, of integrity and special hopes and dreams.  Never dreamt I would make so many good friends across so many miles, do such Clayzy special things and be part of so many lives. I became SoulClay and I love my name and am proud of it. I also thank all my dear friends here for the journey and the inspiration.
 
We all bet on 5230 because we all "got it" and still do…Number 2 was never so special and one wonders about the need for number 1! With Clay it was not just about winning but how one gets there …it was all about “Bringing it” and he has never stopped doing just that…proving over and over again AI did not make him, this kid being a self made man, carved in Clay by God, his Mom and life.
 
I seldom travelled alone, but here I was, getting on a plane for Raleigh to meet strangers met on the internet,  with a special flat Clay named Taiken Aiken all in pieces in a suitcase labelled all over…Fragile! And thus began my funny stories with customs ,or should I say nightmares at times…LOL…Did Clayvert a few at customs and even got some smiles and lately T/A got such comments as “classy” and "awesome" when seen at the border and his purpose explained…Along with new friends, we carried flat Clay in pieces across New York, desperately trying to secure loose bolts at times so Taiken Aiken could stand tall for a special man, to make him laugh and feel loved and feel proud his fans would do this for him to thank him and help his new foundation (TBAF) and WE DID!  It’s always been about having fun and making a difference too, about respect and respecting Clay’s privacy. Thank you Clay for freezing outside for us and for signing T/A’s t-shirt. Could not have you sign that red leather jacket made of a vinyl tablecloth…LOL… jacket that became my inspiration in fighting for a special dream that was and still is in my heart. It's about giving up one’s plane seat, sitting 5 extra hrs in a strange airport alone but so happy because having done so would give me 2 extra tickets that would allow me to return to Raleigh for a special event for TBAF (or so that was the dream.)
It was about fighting for that dream to make it happen with some true friends and picking ourselves back up after it did not.
 
Never thought following another Claymate’s car could be so much fun…or so scary…LOL. Claymates are so well organized (maps, many cell phones with many chargers, food etc) none of which would stop us from getting lost or from taking 4 hrs to find our way out of Raleigh…ha-ha!
 
I travelled alone by car for thousands of km with my Clay music and Taiken Aiken, laughing at some comments and some expressions on certain faces but also happy at the joy he brought to some, especially one special young girl with disabilities who just beamed as I put her arm around T/A and took her picture…As Clay would say…it's not about the stardom but about making a difference.
I cannot sing but I sing along to all Clay song because he made me hear the music with my heart. Who would think this grown lady would paint her car with such pride and honk with strangers!  Sharing rooms with Clay friends and sharing feelings…and videos while ordering all dressed pizza...LOL and that last minute ticket switch that brought some of us to the catwalk…OMG…priceless memories that no "thank you" words could express.
 
I have so much to learn about taking great pics but with Clay as a model, all pics are great…OMG, great…more like fabulous…If I could only get a better tiny camera and ZOOM…with a flash that stays off…without resetting after every pic and sending me in cold sweats for fear it accidentally goes off… Binoculars became as important as our eyeglasses…even more but let’s not let Clay catch us…LOL …Those eyes, those hands, that smile, those pants of perfection…LOL. Never heard of Cack but sure learned fast how to stay up half the night to find it…So much computer hours my eyes hurt...neglected houses...sometimes, but the gain was worth it. Never heard of cellcerts but thanks to a special friend which I will caringly call Radio Shack, I received a phone call one night that nearly killed me! Priceless....thanks, PJ. The static was so bad…the conversation hilarious (Clay made the most of it) as I sat on my knees, rocking back and forth, in a Clay daze; so many words for him in my heart, words never uttered of course, but I think HE KNEW!
 
Learned a new vocabulary and graduated in Aikenology. “Breathe for me, honey” are the words I so want to hear Clay say to me some day…LOL
 
I do hate Ticketmaster and trying to buy tickets gives me palpitations but never as much as when in desperation I got a third row, aisle seat in Toronto, and to top it Clay brought me to tears by singing BOTW just in front of me. Nothing like Claymates to resell a ticket at par…very Claylike!
 
Has it really been 5 years?…Clay once said…"Perfection takes time" but some reach it faster than others…. Yeah, we know your words, Clay! Thanks, Clay for all the Clayziness and for the journey, for the new and lasting friendships, for the tears and laughter, for the beautiful lessons and even for those learnt the hard way, for those thudworthy lower notes that still run shivers down our spines, those hands on the mic pole slow movements (he so knows!), those OMG shirt tugs, those famous glory notes that do take our breaths away and run tears down our faces. Thanks for that wit and humour, for all that caring and giving, for letting your heart sing and your body too and for teaching the world so many special lessons, never afraid to be an example.
 
Scared a little, I drove to Toronto to my first concert with Sophie. I stood my ground and slowly made my family understand why Clay is so special and why I just love that kid and am so proud of him and they did as each one in their own way took the journey with me. The Clay gifts made or bought for me just to make me happy, the trust, the growing understanding, the cute raised eyebrows and giggles. I hope it reinforced to my girls the importance of keeping your inner child alive, to always believe in your dreams and fight for them... to be a little Clayzy at times…that one is never too old to learn or make a difference and that true beauty lies in the soul. Thanks, Bob, for attending concerts with me even in winter, for learning some Clay words and being proud to say them…and for often being the first one to start the Clay CD in the car or when hearing Clay sing first in stores, being so happy to stop me to listen…Emilie, Sophie and Bob, you three are my biggest inspiration…thanks for all the caring you do and for the fun and patience!
 
 Clay, the wrapping has changed but never the gift…it just keeps growing and becoming more special. From a very, very special kid to an amazing man and human being…a skinny white  boy with pipes, with an unbreakable vision and a heart of gold. Another word for gift is PRESENT and this word represents Clay so well…”use your voice” everyday, be present for others, present yourself well as respect is earned ,and you, Clay, earned it!
 
I should say…OH so I am 5 years older…but truly it's more like 5 years younger…
 
Soon to be THE NIGHT a MOAM showed so many THE WAY in ATDW, never INVISIBLE but always our KNIGHT in CLAY A LOT land where we still get it and CLAY IT FORWARD…....AIW ....but the end is nowhere near…Good luck, Clay, in all your ventures...You are a breath of fresh air, talent and caring with a big T and C, a rare gift indeed...and we love all the wrappings, but mostly we love the GIFT.
 
Clayzy Claynadian SoulClay reminiscing…sniff sniff
 
MERCI, CLAY.

...by SoulClay, with minor editing by Liz
         January, 2008

 THE TOADS WHO STOLE..... NOTHING
      by Goood Baby Brush

I posted this orginally at CH .........It's sort of a 4th Anniversary tribute, sort of a "State of the Fandom" address.

Hope you like it.   
So, with apologies to Dr. Seuss:

THE TOADS WHO STOLE..... NOTHING

 Every fan
 In ClayNation
 Liked Clay Aiken a lot...

 But the Toads,
 In the Swamplands of Slime,
 They Did NOT!

 The Toads hated Clay Aiken!
 The whole Aiken fandom!
 Now, please don't ask why. No one quite understands them.
 It could be that their heads weren't screwed on quite right.
 It could be, perhaps, that their shoes were too tight.
 But I think that the most likely reason of all
 May have been that their fame was four sizes too small.

 But,
 Whatever the reason,
 Their shoes or their fame,
 There they fumed in their swamps, hating Clay's name.
 Staring out from their ooze with a snarl, cold and mean,
 At the lights that were glowing from screen after screen
 For they knew every fan to ClayNation and back
 Was busy downloading the latest of Clack.

 "They're watching his videos!" they snarled to each other.
 "And soon there'll be more tours, one after another!"
 Then they growled, slimy fingers nervously drumming,
 "We MUST find a way to keep those tours from coming!"

 For the instant, they knew,
 Tourdates start to diffuse
 All the fans in Clay Nation would SQUEE at the news!
 And then! Oh, the joy! Oh, the joy! joy! joy! joy!
 That's one thing they hated! The JOY! JOY! JOY! JOY!

 Then the fans, young and old, would start typing away.
 And they'd type! And they'd type!
 And they'd TYPE! TYPE! TYPE! TYPE!
 They would check Ticketmaster, Mbits, even eBay
 They'd buy tickets by twos, fours, sixes and eights!

 And THEN
 They do something Toads liked least of all!
 Every fan in Clay Nation, the tall and the small,
 Would travel wherever the airlines were winging.
 They'd gather together. And then... Clay would start singing!

 He'd sing! And he'd sing!
 AND HE'D SING! SING! SING! SING!
 And the more the Toads thought of the joy that would bring
 The more the Toads thought, "We must stop this whole thing!"
 "Why for more than four years we've put up with it now!
 We MUST stop Clay Aiken from singing!
 ...But HOW?"

 Then they got an idea!
 An awful idea!
 The Toads
 GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

 "I know just what to do!" one Toad curled up his lip.
 "We'll say he's uncool. People like their stars hip!"
 And he chuckled, and clucked, "We'll make him a joke!
 "Once the cool kids all diss him, his career's gonna choke."

 "Some late night comedians,
 Bad reviews all around,
 We'll keep him off radio,
 This man's going down!"
 And they waited with glee for his fans all to flee...
 Sold out concerts? Platinum albums?
 But how can this be?

 "Let me try," said another. "I know what's wrong here."
 They root for the underdog,
 It's perfectly clear."
 "We'll prove he's a diva, a tyrant, a jerk.
 Just leave it to me.
 This time it will work."

 In blogs they would whisper, "did you hear Clay's an @ss?
 I heard that he starved an entire school class.
 They just wanted autographs, and maybe a picture.
 And he forced them to sing and then gave them a lecture.
 He said they were brats and he fired their teacher.
 And he made them eat Happy Meals, the immoral creature!"

 "I heard he demands Pepsi!"
 "No, I heard Perrier!"
 "I heard he makes them cook his meals a very certain way!"
 "He's rude to his fans"
 "He's a diva backstage!"
 "It won't be long before his fans are outraged!"

 What's this?
 They're still here? There's still a Clay Nation?
 They're gathering funds to support his foundation?
 Why can't we break them? What more will it take?
 He's in Africa for UNICEF? Oh give me a break!

 Then the slimiest, greasiest Toad of them all
 Said "I'm taking over. You guys think too small."

 "Don't you know that the 'mates are all biddies and prudes?
 If you want them to leave him, just prove that he's lewd."
 "Spread the rumor he's g-y. That'll cause them distress.
 A date with a girl? Keep it out of the press!"

 "No, we're not finished. I've just gotten started."
 The Toad sneered at his friends, "now don't be faint-hearted."
 All it takes is a man with no moral center
 Who'll lie without qualm and play the tormentor.

 Now the lie is in place, and the bloggers will churn.
 Then tabloids, then media - each one in turn.
 And the Toads all enjoyed a slimy high-five
 "And we'll 'rinse and repeat' till the fans take a dive.

 A hundred feet down! To the heart of Swamp Scapegoat,
 They slid their way back to the bottom to gloat!
 "Pooh-pooh to the 'mates!" they were Toadishly grinning.
 "They're finding out now that their numbers are thinning!
 "They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!
 "Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
 "Then all fans in Clay Nation will cry BOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!"

 "That's a noise," laughed the Toads,
 "That we simply must hear!"
 So they paused. And each Toad put a hand to his ear.
 And they did hear a sound rising over the slime.
 It started in low. Then it started to climb...

 But the sound wasn't sad!
 Why, this sound was resplendent!
 It couldn't be so!
 But it WAS Gorgeous, transcendent!

 They stared out at Clay Nation,
 The Toads popped their eyes!
 Then they shook!
 What they saw was a shocking surprise!

 Every fan in Clay Nation, the white, brown and black,
 Had circled their wagons! They all had Clay's back!
 They HADN'T stopped Aiken from singing!
 HE SANG!
 Somehow or other, he sang just the same!

 And the Toads, with their Toad-feet ankle deep in the goo,
 Sat puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be true?
 He sang despite critics! With no radio play!
 Fans stayed though we called him uncool, mean and g-y!"
 And they puzzled for hours, 'til their puzzlers were sore.
 Then the Toads thought of something they hadn't before.
 "Could it be they don't care or believe what we say?"
 "Could it be they just love him and won't go away?"

 And what happened then...?
 ... In Clay Nation they say
 The Toads' last bit of fame
 It just withered away!
 Though they sputtered and swore they would still persevere
 In the distance the Toads couldn't help but to hear
 How the voices rang out just as clear as a bell
 As Clay
 And Clay Nation
 Sang out "All Is Well!"

Sincere thanks to Goood Baby Brush for permission to post this tribute.

September, 2004. Being Claylike is to be: a victor but never to push the victory in another's face; a fighter who fights for the right causes; a true friend who stands by his or her friends no matter what; a teacher who instructs so that others may learn to teach; a defender who leads those who cannot speak up for themselves; a fun-lover but never at the expense of another's feelings; a conductor whose code of conduct, principles and faith serve to enrich the lives of others; lastly, a caring soul who loves so deeply in the purest sense of the word that we are forever changed for the better.  To be Claylike is to believe that faith holds a promise, hope, a fulfillment, and love, an unwavering devotion.  "Faith, hope, love these three, but the greatest of these is love."

Clay makes every day brighter. It's more than just his glorious voice - the way he communicates with us; the fun of Invisible makes me smile and giggle, the plaintiveness of Solitaire makes me ache, the defiance of I Survived You makes me feel victorious (not to mention somewhat hot and bothered... ;o), the romanticism of Measure Of A Man makes me sigh, the witnessing of his faith in songs like You Were There and his newest gift to us - Mary Did You Know - make me feel like rejoicing. This ability to make us feel such strong emotions is his special gift. And then there's the man. Not perfect - for sure he's not. But we see in him - especially through those incredibly beautiful, expressive, sparkling, intelligent eyes - his good heart, his quick mind and his clever, sometimes sharp humour. Those eyes show us that Clay is full of life, vital and real. He's just a good man - and that's what counts. That and maybe the fact that he's easy on the eyes sure doesn't hurt... Anything else about him is irrelevant to me.

 
Look at what all this love for Clay has done! Friends made from all over - not only America, but all over the world! That really is something. Friendships so strong that people have flown thousands of miles to meet with friends made through Clay - myself and my fellow Kiwi friend Lisa included! All the joy that Clay brings to people has helped raise thousands of dollars for charity, all the new computer skills we've learned and all the things we've learned about how the cutthroat entertainment business works. We're all more aware of what kinds of music and entertainers are influencing children these days. Some of us have found a renewed faith in God. Some have found difficult times easier to bear by listening to and watching Clay perform, because his joy in singing is so very obvious.
 
Clay never had any idea just how much he was going to make a difference in peoples' lives - especially children. His foundation is teaching tolerance, through Camp Gonzo. This is going to have a wonderful flow-on effect as these children grow up and teach this to their own children. It makes the future pretty nice to think about, huh? But that's just the beginning. This man has loads of as yet unseen potential. I think the future looks pretty exciting, for Clay and his causes - and of course for us.
 
........Helena in New Zealand

Step 1: The Dark Ages, aka PreClaystoric Times (ignorance, arrogance, apathy)

Clay Aiken? Who is Clay Aiken anyway? Wasn't he just some guy who lost on a reality show amateur-singing contest?
No one takes reality TV stars seriously, do they? Why did they promote a loser anyway? How good could he be? It's all just hype, right? He's just a nerd, right?

Isn't Clay Aiken the guy all the comics tell rude jokes about? If so many joke about that, it must be true, right? Isn't he the one critics say will never last? I only listen to professional singers, so why should I waste my time listening to him? Isn't he teamed up with that big, heavy-set dude? Isn't Clay Aiken the guy with all those crazy fans, the ones who call themselves Claymates? Aren't they just starry-eyed teenagers? Seniors, kids, middle-aged, too? ALL ages?! Males, too?.Claydawgs? How is that possible? What do they see in him? Why do his fans act like they do? Isn't his five minutes of fame up yet? Why are people still talking about him like he's some big deal? Wouldn't I hear him on the radio more if he's as good as they claim?













Step 2: Discovery and Captivation (the awakening of the senses)




When did he get to be so handsome? So sexy?



Was he always so tall? Where did that tall, slender man learn to sing like that? Is he for real? Could he BE any more real? Could he sound any better? Could anyone? Could he BE any more charming? sweet? funny? cute? sexy? honest? and all at the same time? Does he always talk that much? How could anyone call him a nerd? Why do comics think those jokes are amusing?




Step 3: Reality Check (disbelief, dismay, distancing)

What!...Clay Aiken was ONLY the runner-up on American Idol-2? Seriously? How is that possible? WHO sang better than Clay Aiken? No one?.but then who won the title? Ruben who?.and if he stuttered, why did he win? Why didn't more people vote for Clay? Why weren't more people able to get through to vote for Clay? Why wasn't there a recount of the vote? Why doesn't Clay care? Why don't his fans care? Why are they laughing over this? Oh, I get it.Clay is a winner where it really counts; Clay is the people's idol;
so, who cares?

  Is American Idol even still on?.if so, who cares?


Step 4: Back for More (the search is on)

He IS as good as they claim, so why don't I hear him on the radio more? Why can't I find his songs on the radio? He has recorded CD's, hasn't he?


Where can I buy them? Why are so many stores running out of them? Why didn't they make enough? He sold HOW MANY?! Anybody have an extra copy for sale? Why do so many fans have extra copies? Why are so many fans giving away extra copies.to strangers? Who ARE these generous fans? What's Amazon.com?

Step 5: Reading to Learn (hearing The Voice in your life)

Book?! Clay Aiken wrote a book about himself? What could he possibly have to say about his life at such a young age?


How did he get to be so wise at such a young age? How could it not make the bestseller list? How could it not inspire people? Could it get any better? There's an audio version? What could be better than hearing Clay read it in an audio version? Wouldn't Dr. Phil love this book if he read it?.oh, he has and he does?

Step 6: Measuring the Man behind the Voice (no shortage of class)

Clay Aiken used to be a Special Education teacher? Clay Aiken still IS a Special Education teacher? He wants to make a difference? How can he be a teacher without a classroom full of students? He's known as a pop star so how is he going to make a difference? What is TBAF?
























Who is Bubel? Who is Gonzo and why are there camps named after him? Why did Clay take time off from his singing career to speak at the Pacific Rim Conference and at the Forces for Nature benefit concert? Why did Clay travel to Indonesia and Africa and address Congress on behalf of UNICEF? Why is Clay such a big hit with the children in those places he visited when they don't even know who he is? Why wasn't there more media attention regarding this like with other celebrities? Ronald McDonald House, Muscular Dystrophy Association, Toys for Tots, Make-A-Wish Foundation, Trick-or-Treat for UNICEF.how does Clay find time to actively help so many  causes? Could his fans BE any prouder of him? Could his classroom BE any bigger?



Step 7: Falling into the net (caught up)

If I Google "CLAY AIKEN" will I find a single fan site? No, not a "single one"?.How many fan sites ARE there?? Can I just check out the best one, or two, or three or.how many hours have I been on line? What day is it? What's a photo bucket? What's a message board? What's a cellcert? Can someone please cellcert me? Anyone want me to cellcert them? What's Clack? How do I download and save? How do I burn CD's? How many emails can I receive and send before I max out my mailbox? How did my email address list get so long? Where can I get a good deal on CD-R's, diskettes, inkjet cartridges, photo paper, digital cameras, iPods? How do I upgrade my computer to handle more faster?


Step 8: Clackrat (filling the void)

How did I end up with so much Clack.....
.


with so many Clay Aiken photos, videos, CD's, T-shirts, pins, magazines, newspaper clippings, DVD's, etc., etc., and how could I possibly part with a single one of them? Anyone need extras?

Step 9: Sharing and Caring (Claying it forward)

Would I find out more if I joined a fan group? Can I keep up with my email if I join a fan group? How many fan clubs can I belong to at the same time? Can I trust these people? Aren't Clay's fans the nicest people? Aren't I glad I joined? Isn't it amazing how we share so much in common despite the distance between us? How is it possible that strangers "get" me and I "get" them? How can I think of them as strangers anymore? How can we make a difference? Wouldn't Clay be proud of us for trying? Didn't he say we should use our voices? Isn't it fun doing this as a group? Wouldn't it be fun to meet up at concerts? Why do I feel like I've known these people all my life? Could I have found a better group of friends were it not for Clay? Does Clay realize how he's brought people together, generated lasting friendships and enriched so many lives?

Step 10: The Concert Experience (taking the high road)

How do I get tickets? Anyone know the presale password? How do I upgrade my tickets to get closer to stage? Anyone need extra tickets? Can I take my camera? My cell phone? My video camera? Where can I hide them? Can Clay see my sign if I hold it up? Why must fans in front block my view with their signs? Why are fans screaming so loudly right next to my ears? Why am I losing my voice? Will my hearing and voice ever return to normal? How can he possibly sound any better live?.and yet he does, doesn't he? How can he keep getting better with each concert?.and yet he does, doesn't he? Why are the same people coming to all the concerts? How come they are at all the same concerts I attend? Why did I pay for a seat when I've been on my feet dancing the entire time?


Why are fans begging Clay to dance when he says he can't? Why does he grab his shirt like that? What is that move!? Where did he learn those dance moves!? Why does he say he can't dance when he obviously can? Is it just me or is it hot in here? Why is he looking that way? Why does it look like he's looking at me? Why am I so excited that he's looking at me? Did he just wink at me??!!!! Why is it so hot in here? Why can't I breathe? How can it be over already? When and where is the next concert and how do I get there?





Step 11: Meet 'n Greet 'n Thud ("something in the way.")

How did I get so lucky as to get a pass? Why is the line so long? Can't they hurry this up? Why are they rushing me? What's the big deal?.I mean, he's just an ordinary guy, right?.casually dressed in shorts, flip-flops, wearing a T-shirt layered over another T-shirt, WWJD band on his wrist, all shower fresh, slight stubble, hair still damp, no makeup, freckles, no sideburns, highlights in hair.why am I noticing all these details?


Why can't I take my eyes off him? Eyes? OMG! Could those eyes BE any greener? Is he looking at me? Is he speaking to me? Is there anyone else in the room? On the planet? My name? What's my name? How can I be expected to remember my name when he's looking at me with THOSE eyes?.THAT smile? Photo? What's a photo? Oh!.where's my camera? OMG! is he standing next to me? Touching me? What?!.time to go already? It's over? What did I say? What did he say? What did he smell like? What just happened? How could I have forgotten to get his autograph!? Who is that starstruck fan next to Clay in my photo and why does she look like me on drugs?

Step 12: Clayformation Complete (welcome to Clay Nation)

Did someone just call me a Claymate? Why do they think I'm a Claymate? Am I acting like a Claymate? AM I a Claymate? How could they know I'm a Claymate? How could I not realize I'm a Claymate? Are they mocking me or admiring me? Why don't I care? What could be better than being a Claymate? But I can give it up at any time, can't I? I don't HAVE to know where Clay is every minute, what he's doing, where he's going to be, what his fans are up to, when his next appearance is scheduled.DO I? Who am I kidding? What's happened to me? When did this happen to me? How did this happen to me? How can I ever thank Clay enough for what's happened to me?

Only one question remains: Are YOU a Claymate..yet?





 Watch your step; falling is easy.



Text © Judy Simpson 2005
Illustrations by Liz (with thanks to all the Clack gatherers)

WEST COAST TIMES  OBSERVER

FEMALE FRENZY AT '50's  DINER

BY C.A. DREAMER  (aka Judy Simpson)

Staff Writer

CLAYVIEW, CA  (9-10-05) Late Saturday afternoon local police responded to a call  about a possible disturbance
at the Johnny-Be-Good ("JBG") Diner at the corner of Fairview and Starklay Streets,


after passersby reported hearing screams, sobs and moans  coming from inside the '50's-style eatery, along with someone  yelling "Please don't use your fist!"

After ascertaining  this was not a crime scene, officers questioned John Goodfellow, the owner, who was more than happy to relate details of events  surrounding the alleged disturbance.

Goodfellow  claims it all centered on his jukebox, a replica of the classic  ones founds in diners and malt shops in the 1950's. He reported  females of all ages and descriptions have been visiting his diner  in droves recently. "It's almost like they're making some  kind of pilgrimage," he observed,
adding that, while he is  used to people dancing to the music of the jukebox, some also just  sit and stare at it now with a wistful look in their eyes,

others sob quietly, and a few have thrown themselves at the thing,  hugging it like a long-lost lover while bawling like babies.
Then  there's those who calmly walk up to it, lick their thumbs and  pound it with their fists. "I don’t know what to make of  all this; it just doesn't make much sense to me," said  Goodfellow, who admitted that he is also bewildered by how these  women relate to one another, claiming they may come in as strangers but always leave as friends. "It's like they share  some emotional bond and just somehow know instinctively what the  others are thinking and feeling."

When asked if he  had any explanation for his female customers' sudden emotional  attachment to his jukebox, Goodfellow revealed that recently one  of his waitresses talked him into replacing some of the vintage  classic songs from music legends with newer versions by some singer named Clay Aiken. "She assured me they'd be perfect  for the jukebox," he explained, but confessed that he thought  it was a big mistake at first.

 "She wouldn't say where she  got them, and some selections were actually medleys of songs, and  they didn't sound like professional recordings, what with all the loud screaming and cheering in the background. Why, at times the crowd noise nearly drowned out that powerful voice, but dang if  that boy can't outsing the originals even with all that  racket!"

When asked if his customers request those songs,  Goodfellow responded, "Now that I think about it, those  females have been wearing out the selection buttons for that Aiken  fellow's songs. My waitress must have a handle on this because she  came up with a new fountain drink the other day that's been selling like crazy. She calls it the Aiken Shake.


 It's made with  Breyer's peach ice cream, fresh pure vanilla, wholesome fat-free  milk and home-baked peanut butter cookie crumbs. Whips it to a  frenzy and serves it up in tall, skinny glasses on soft coasters  she calls 'thud mats.'


How she figured out this would be such a  crowd-pleaser I'll never know." "Every once in a while I  catch her petting that old jukebox, too," he added with a chuckle. "Go figure females."



When asked why he never reported his customers' bizarre behavior to the authorities, Goodfellow responded, "Why would I want to do  that when business has never been better? Except for an occasional blow to my jukebox and some tear stains, lipstick smudges and handprints left behind on it, the ladies all mind their manners; so, why should I mind if they keep coming back for more?"

(Writer's Note: See  you at JBG; we'll share a shake.)




©Judy Simpson, 2005
Illustrations by Liz

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